How Not to Get in TechCrunch

November 20th by

TechCrunchGetting covered by Michael Arrington’s TechCrunch can be the launching pad that many new companies need. It brings coverage, links, and attention to your new product/website.

Guy Kawasaki recently wrote about the best ways to get in TechCrunch but I wanted to give you an example of how to make sure your pitch will never get in:

Pitch sent via fax.


Dear TechCrunch — since TechCrunch is a huge website run by lots of people, so be sure not to address anyone specific there

My name is Supercool Hipster and I am writing to you about my revolutionary new company that will completely change the way you’ll use the Internet. The company’s name is Web 2.0 Redefined and yes, we are a Web 2.0 company. The opportunity that we have is bigger than huge — it makes King Kong look small — it’s the Titanic of the Internet.

There is no clear way to describe what we do because there have been no other companies that have ever come close to doing what we do. To put it frankly we provide disruptive technology that allows the government to channel our frequency in turn allowing users to create, upload and distribute complete movies, songs and poems using AJAX. We have seen what YouTube was able to do and feel that we can flip Web 2.0 Redefined much faster and for much more money. We are already in high-level talks with executives from every major search engine and also from three of the top ISPs — they are very interested.

If you would like to find more information about our company please list out your questions and respond to this email with them — one of our representatives will then get back to you within 5 business days.

Thanks for your attention and I look forward to reading about my company on TechCrunch as I am sure it will be extremely interesting to your readers.

Sincerely,

Supercool Hipster

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Comments

  1. Sam Mance says:
    November 20 at 12:49 pm

    Ha! I can tell you from first-hand knowledge that this will definitely not get you on TechCrunch. very funny though!

  2. Spizaj says:
    November 23 at 10:15 am

    I know this cat from past dealings and am aware of his company. I can tell you he is the real deal. It is in your best interest to align yourself with him.

  3. Chris Winfield says:
    November 23 at 1:09 pm

    Spizaj – agreed – the article wasn’t exactly serious ;)